A Corny Joke Off!!

What is Santa’s favorite music?



Wrap!! 😜

Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How tall are penguins?"
The bartender replies, "About three feet."
"Are you sure there aren't any penguins taller than that?" Santa asks.
"Maybe four feet, tops," the bartender says, "but no taller than that."
Santa puts his head in his hands and says, "Oh crap, in that case, I just ran over a nun!"

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red. 🍷

What's the difference between a boy snowman and girl snowman?

2 snowballs and a carrot

Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over, you can wear it as a hat....


Because it's cap-sized.

🦖

IYKYK

Bluestreak57

IYKYK

Now that is funny!

Okay... been a while so.....

Old lady is sitting in the window seat on a jet, passengers are boarding and she is just reading a book. Young man.... mid thirties sits down next to her. They exchange a quick glance and she goes back to reading while he watches everyone else board.... During the flight attendants' little spiel he notices she does not even look up from her book. Shortly after take off as they were leveling out from the initial assent he looks over and asks, do you mind if we have a conversation? it always seems to make the flight a little shorter for me. She takes a long look at him, slowly nods in the affirmative, places a book mark and puts her book in her purse. turning to the young man she asks, what would you like to talk about?

The young man (mid 30s mind you) thinks for a second and says how about current events.... no how about RFK and how vaccinations are causing autism?

She looks at him long and hard and then says okay, this could be interesting... maybe.... BUT you have to answer me one question first before I will discuss that with you.

He says all right, I am game.

All right she says, a deer, a cow and a horse all eat grass right, typically a similar diet right?

Well sure he gets out rather weakly, confused as to where this is going.....

So a deer's poop is lots of small little balls clumped together, a cows poop is a big pie that splats against the ground and a horses poop is large clumps all strung together. Why are they so different if they are eating a similar diet?

The young man thinks... his brow furrows... he looks around the cabin as if searching for an answer..... Alas he turns back to her and says" i do not know" " i honestly could not tell you".

She takes a little time staring at the purse she placed her book in... then slowly turns back toward the young man...

look young man, you may be very nice, but why would I want to discuss vaccinations or current events or RFK with you? Especially when you don't know shit?

She then reaches in her bag and pulls her book out.

Bluestreak57

IYKYK

I've set up a marquis in my back yard with funky music, flashing lights, and a mirrored ball.
This is the winter of my disco tent.

This is how I go through a process of telling a Joke....

"What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?"

"They're both Paris sites."

🦖

Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Why do Eskimo’s wash their clothes in tide?
Cause it’s too cold outtide!

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.

'The Navy fighter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Army Helicopter pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties..

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

He replied, 'These are Carols.'

A belated Merry Christmas to all.

Paul 82 Bronco

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.

'The Navy fighter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Army Helicopter pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties..

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

He replied, 'These are Carols.'

A belated Merry Christmas to all.

Except, that was a Marine rifleman.

What’s a pig’s favorite karate move?


The pork chop.

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger... then it hit me.

Where do bad rainbows go?
They go to prism. It's a light sentence, and gives them time to reflect.